I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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