He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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