we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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