True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Randomize
