i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
i think i just lost a toe
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
