Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
