Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
