And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
