Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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