Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
