i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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