Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
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