Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
