She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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