thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
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