my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
my being single is dangerous.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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