oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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