Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
