On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
