Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
