I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
