yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
