Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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