Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
