Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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