New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
He felt like a one man threesome
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize