I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
