Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
