you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
