Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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