So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
