it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
