I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
