I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Randomize
