i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
my phone needs a breathalizer
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
