There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
