Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
farters have to be the big spoon...
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
