Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
