Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
