He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
