is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
