Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
