Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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