i love accidental penises.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
