i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize