i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
