She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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