Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
