it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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