This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
