i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
