its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Randomize
