More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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