no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
i think my cat just said my name.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
