but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
