She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
