Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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