Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
