i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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