Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Randomize
