Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
