guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
