we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
