Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
