in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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